I am a motivator

identification

2006-06-15T08:38:00.000-07:00

M gave me a keen critic about my job.
As a third person, his opinion seemed obviously correct.

I couldn't help admitting that my condintion has left in limbo.
My English, my skill, my knowledge... all what I have and
all what I'm doing are half-baked.

He admired and encouraged my writing skill, persuading me
into trying translation from Japanese into English.

I have no academic background, experience, nor qualification.
Some events I'm tring to do won't lead to establishing my brand.

I have to decide who I am.

seeking for better terminal care

2006-06-10T01:33:00.000-07:00

F, my friend and a student of med. school, published their own book with her company.
As I had tried to avoid to think about the matter, their research and findings were
startling for me.

Followings are the ideas what made me realized;
1 In the time of termination, a patient's will has to be respected, not his or her family's.
But, in fact, the intention of the patient's family usually to be prefered.

2 Palliative care or teminal care is not the one for people who can no longer be cured.
Palliative care never hastens the patients' end.

3 Not every patient accepts his or her early death like a theory by Dr.Elisabeth Kubler-Ross.

4 Grief care or mental care for the breaved family is also needed.

5 In case of death in hospital, the main role should be medical staff, while
the patients should be central characters in case of death in their homes.

book-talking

2006-06-10T01:22:00.000-07:00

I went to the local library to see my friend's book-talking.
She is an experienced book-talker and provides book-talking so often
from schools to public places, and libraries.

I had regarded her as a talented actress, educator, mother, and leader.
Today, I found more suitable name for her; "performer".

happiness link

2006-06-07T09:24:00.000-07:00

It looked like "pay it forward".

Today, I visited an English circle to ask Mr. H,
a leader and retired English teacher to appleal our event.

Overwhelmed by more members than I expected,
I norrowly let him kept our flyers with an apologies of
my sudden favor.

He said "I have been supporsed to introduce your event today.",
as if noting had happened.

Adding that "And I was regrettable as I don't have these fliers."

He looked like an angel for me!

How kind of him! I was impressed and glad so much.

Then, an inspiration came down into my mind.
Up-coming Korean cooking class draws few people even though
it was introduced in a paper. M and S were really worried and upset.

Well, I can ask Support Center to put the flies in one of the shelves for
event filers. May be it's possible.

Of course M was very glad giving me a call.

There occured a link of happy energy.

writing and speaking

2006-06-07T09:09:00.000-07:00

I'm confident the fact that there is a strong relationship between writing and speaking.

Last night, I struggled hard to write English message on mixi.
Until recently, I rarely show my English on public.

I realized that I really tackle with my writing, not to make a mistake,
to seek more suitable words. I felt nervous because it was late at night and
I was sure whenever I write English when I have a sleepyhead,
you can find out lots of eccentric expressions.

I gave up proofreading and went to bed.
Surprisingly, I thought about what I wrote in my dream.

I still dragged if there were any mistakes or not even after getting up.
And realizing some gramatical mistakes and unsuitable expressions,
as my fece turned red.

But, at the same time, writing with consciousness that someone who knows
what I am might read my article raises my tension up.
I will never think about a each single sentence ever unless it was up.

On todays lesson, I sensed my speaking improving.
This is the second time experience!
How rapid and drasticaly!

I firmly believe that writing help our speaking.

J has come

2006-06-04T05:29:00.001-07:00

Finally, Jay came from NY.

I expected he would come on Saturday, but it was my husband's mistake.
He had misunderstood the day J offered.

Thanks to his making mistake, I could weasel from my cooking.
But at the same time I feel sorry to let him try my Japanese meal.

Anyway, I gave him Kakinotane and shrimp cracker...that's all.

before he came to our place, I took the card saying "Soulmate relationship".
It didn't ring a bell at all but I suddenly realized when I saw their talking.

The message had explained about those two guys. They were born in two different countries: West and East, having the same taste and easily transcend a dimention others never do.
Their cheerfulness, passion and innocence like boys release tension
of their surroundings have.

Usually, westerners more or less have discrimination toward Asian people,
either consciously or unconsciously, or else.
(this is just my guess or experience)

But, I didn't sense that kind of negative atomosphere at all.
By the same token, my husband doesn't have any inferior complex
toward westeners. They both are really grate.

I'm proud of him ever.

Stradivarius

2006-06-04T05:29:00.000-07:00

I read "the Stradivarius of the Senjyu" twice.
One for getting know the story and the other for tasting excitement again.

And I'm sure that I'll read again and again for tuning my mind.
While I read this book, I just had kept crying. It couldn't help.

As one of the believers of those kinds of miracles and of the idea
that an article chooses its owner, I've been very delighted to know
this filmic story.

I completely agree with the idea that the Stradivarius had waited for
its owner or Mariko Senjyu, a representative vaiolinist of Japan.

I'm overwhelmed by her making efforts and the existance of her supporter,
namely her mother (and the author of this book), but the most entrancing me
was her mind's pureness; pure love and passion.

I believe this pureness attracted the legendary instrument.

hospital death vs euthanasia

2006-06-03T08:37:00.000-07:00

Mr. M started his host with his parents-loss-at-the-hospital experiences.
His mother passed away at her early sixies about three months after having kept alive in a vegetative state. Mr. M and his family couldn't know what their mother thought.

His father, on the contrary, was dead shortly after taking an operation.
He was suffered so much as much as morphine didn't work well.

The focal point of the discussion was whether or not the doctor who was arrested for helping mercy death really get a due consultation from the patient's family.
If he had gotten, disconnecting respirator by a doctor is allowed or not?
prolongation of life is meaningless or not?

Usually, Japanese people dislike facing death. Most of them even left wills.
Talking about deviding property or choosing a grave and funeral style are relatively easy.
But, the decision we should do when we were in a comma is very difficult.

Even we had left our will that we wouldn't live long in a vegetative state,
our family wouldn't be able to admit to our death.
Mr. M also made a comment that even the patient shows his unbearable pain,
we can't decide.

Our talking went nowhere. I just thougt if there are lots of professional counselors in the hospitals.

study meeting for becoming an interpreter

2006-06-03T08:25:00.000-07:00

Today, I first joined a study meeting for becoming an interpreter-guide.
Unfortunately, there were no female participant except me today.

The meeting was devided in half. We studied a translation a person-in-charge had already prepared. It was very complexed but informative topic. Sometimes, explaining English is understandable than that of Japanese.

For the latter half, we tried to debate on a certain matter. Actually, it was a discussion, though.

I couldn't catch a wave. My talking was clumsy and it made me depressed and flustrated.
I need practical training.

the flow

2006-05-30T07:26:00.000-07:00

I'm afraid of this flow.
This idea just came up with my mind other day.

It looked very eccentric and flabber gasting so I decided to ignore it.

If it had been the flow, how much effort should I make?
I didn't think about it at all.

But... obviously it was a certain flow. I can see the flow.

So... I have to challenge again. It's really far to go.

diehard practice

2006-05-24T22:02:00.000-07:00

I'm insufficiently trained.
I can't control my emotions.

Is it jealousy? Did it drove me mad?
He uses a computer just short after he gets up.
I can't do such a thing. I have tons of "must"s.

Only I am worried or thinking about our meals and
weather. I feel it's unfair.

But what the most dislike is my childishness.
After taking deep breath and seeing plants in the veranda,
I got a little calm down.

I want him to be more considerate person.
Because it's convenient for me.
All this logic makes me mad! I know it's quite selfish idea.
That's why I'm irritated and deppressed.
Oh, I wanna cry...

Skellig

2006-05-22T09:36:00.000-07:00

I've just finished reading a book titled "Skellig".
My friend who is a book adviser recommended it to me.

This was the first long story for me.
Until when I began to read this book, I had used to read a little childish stories.

I wasn't aware of that they were childish at that time.
Because I could enjoyed almost all books.

To tell the truth, it was very difficult. It was beyond my present ability, I guess.
I'll hang over the books a little easier for a while, then I'd like to try it again.

I wish I could read faster and have empaty.

copyright

2006-05-22T09:28:00.000-07:00

I took part in a seminar about booktalking last week.
It was proveided by one of the local reading circles getting support from the local library.

A guest speaker gave a talk about what the booktalking is and showed us a demonstration.

They were very interesting and informidable for me, but what surprised me the most was
the information about copyright.

When we do a reading session, we are supposed to get a permission from a publisher and an author and sometimes translator. Especially, when we make materials using the original illustraions for a panel theater and so on.

It sounded troublesome. In our case, do we need to get a permission from foreign publishers?

The guest speaker was also worried about if it would be the stopper of our activities.

beehive

2006-05-22T08:55:00.000-07:00

On the last Saturday supper, my husband said that he saw a huge college of bees in the afternoon. It looked like a black cloud, he said.

At night, we felt my neigbors trying to spray insecticide.
Do they find honeybees? Are there honeybees?

"It's too sensitive. Emergence of bees may be eery, but it might be caused by human activities.
Putting insecticide is too selfish and over-do-it", I had thought until I saw a lot of bees working in our veranda next morning.

"Gosh, they're trying to making a beehive!"
I waken my husband up and let him see the hard workers.

If we had a huge garden, we could have allowed them to make a gigantic beehive.
But here's a tiny space where some plants and laundries have to share.

We didn't want to kill them.
After thinking out the best solution, my husband took out a roll of Katorisenko
or chinese herbal repellent. He put it on the stove and lit it, then tuned the draft on.

The air absorted smell of insect flower came into the duct in the veranda,
and surprisingly the bees disappeard every one of them.

I was really relieved but still wonder if they could find a nice place they could spend soundly.

The first blog of 2006

2006-01-14T01:22:00.000-08:00

I'm writing this blog while I'm listening to "Tennessee Walts".

Countless people have been singing this famous song but my favorite is the version of Miyuki Hatakeyama. It sounds pure and beautiful so I introduced it for our singing class.
But... all they in the class agreed with Patti Page's verision is better and want to sing on it.
That's ok. Any way I'll make a lyrics card from now.

breakthrough?

2005-10-07T05:41:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I watched "You've got a mail." As I felt a little tired having a lot of things to do, tried to see only five minutes or so. Soon after I started watching it, English senteces clearly got into my ears. I was very surprised to find that my listening improvement. I'm sure I become to catch much more daialogues than before. Is this a breakthrough? I hope so.

watching a baseball

2005-09-09T08:30:00.000-07:00

Last Sunday, my six-year-old niece came to my home. So we went to Koshien stadium to watch a baseball game of Tigers versus Giants.

This was her first watching of a baseball game. We made a promise before we came into the studium; never getting her hand off our hands.

In contraction to my worring, she behaved neatly. She had been in a good humor, getting some goods for supporters.

I don't know any code of watching baseball, but I saw about four hundred eighty thousand fans blew up balloons and let them off all at once to the night sky when the game came to the top of the seven inning. Those balloons' dancing wildly was marvelous.

Tigers won the game in six to two. They enjoyed the excitement.

What I couldn't say in our Saturday lesson

2005-09-09T02:25:00.000-07:00

I couldn't explain about my plan last Saturday.
Some day I want to make lectures by language-related important people and one of them is Mr. K.

But I also know it would be very difficult. I've read his comment on somewhere an article, he saild when he was offered something, like giving a lecture, he makes a rule to think it the offer would come if he didn't get a prize or not. If the answer is no, he never take the offer.

I'm very curious about his idea on English communication. As he is a scientist, he can read and write English. But how the prize effect his way of thinking toward English, launguage and communication? This is just my guess, but he might have something to say about learning English or communicating in English. I want him to say it. may be next year.

facial treatment

2005-09-01T07:15:00.000-07:00

Talking with my friends about cosmetics made me realize that I have lack of expressions about it. So today, I’d like to write her story trying to use some cosmetic words.

Yesterday, she filled up her reward card that her cosmetic salon issues for their customers. Customers can pile the points up according to how much they buy.

By filling up the card, my friend got a chance to get a facial treatment for free. Before the treatment, she could get a check of her skin age. Technology of cosmetics nowadays may be able to estimate the skin age from each genre; pores, tension, fleck of the skin. I don’t know how it is accurate, though.

Soon after the checking, she got results of three kinds of her skin age and the average of it. Although she got nervous before she took a checking, she was relieved to hear a shop clerk’s comment. “Your average skin age is seven year younger than the ordinary females.”

Delighted with the comment, she bought a lot of skin care stuff. Basically, her skin has no trouble, doesn’t need any massage for lifting, removing dull, whitening and so on. But I realized the difference between before and after of the facial treatment. I thought it’s not only because of the treatment, but hearing “your skin is young.” Anyway, she looked confident and cheerful than ever. We praised each other for our beauty.

238

A tale of Tomiko and her earwax

2005-08-31T09:21:00.000-07:00

There was a woman called Tomiko.
She was 87, stayed in a care house in Nagaokakyo, Kyoto.

One day, she lost her hearings of her left ear all of a sudden.
So she went to the hospital.

After a short examination,
a doctor said, “You need to come here three times a week.”

“Does my left ear have a serious problem?”
“No, not really. But your earwax is very stiff and I can’t get it out easily.
It is needed to be soft in the first stage. “

Tomiko started going to the hospital three times a week.
Gradually, her earwax was getting soft.

And finally, it was successful to be removed.
The doctor was surprised to see how big the earwax was.
So was Tomiko.

Next day, her left ear was still unclear.
The day after the day, it worked very well.
She was very glad.

Next spring, she passed away.
She used be a lover of flowers.
Some said she chose spring for her leaving because she wanted to go with flowers.
She was literally sent with numerous flowers.

One of her friends made memorial Haiku for her;

Leaving behind
late spring flowers,
being with flowers

Lying silent,
Flaming azaleas
know everything

the end.

counter my nervousness

2005-08-28T05:45:00.000-07:00

I'm clutchy person.
Everytime when I have to make a presentation in my English class, my heart gets pounder, breathing works shallow and my brain becomes blank. Of course I've never been satisified with my speech in these three months of this course. Although my teacher encourages me, saying, "You're on the right track. You'll be able to enjoy the delivering moment in the near future.",
I cannot wait "the near future!"

When I don't have enough confidence on the logic of my speech or when I didn't make enough practice, it happenes easily. Nothing doesn't overcome my nervousness. Ireally want to know the way of handling with my nervousness.

Maybe I have too much space of my feeling.
I mean, I think I am a type of a person who can act well in the real situations.
Usually, I can organize some speech well and preside on some events.

Only when I make a practice under unreal situations, I am out of condition.
But now, I've just understood my problem, thanks to my writing.
My self consciousness prevents me from making speech practice in front of my classmates and my teacher. I don't know why...

From next time, I'll talk to myself, "I will be ok, they're all unknown people and this is the real situation." Yes, I can do it.

something wrong

2005-08-27T03:59:00.000-07:00

There is something wrong. My history of studying English is not so long. But this is the first time to have such a feeling.
As I have a few lessons using the same text so that I naturally repeat the same part.
This makes me understood English deeper. I thought I had already known those simple structures, but I didn't. I realized that to know foreign language is not easy.

Feynman/The alchemist/One hundred years of ...

2005-08-25T10:29:00.000-07:00

When I had a cup of tea with my friend in Yokohama, he recommended a book titled "pleasure of findings things out" written by Feynman, a Nobel laureate for physics, contriuted to Manhattan project. The book is the one that have been in our bookshelf for a long time! It is my husband's. Although I sometimes tried to read it before, I always failed. But this time, his recommendation motivated me, so I read it soon.

In return to him, I introduced "The Alchemist" by Paulo Coelho. This is one of my best books. Two days later, he sent me excited likely emrail. He sounded impressed the book.

This is his turn. This time, he gave me a strong recommendation of reading "One hundred years of solitude". I was really surpised to read that. Because, about one week ago, one of my friends also recommended this book.

Hey, what's going on? How coincedent, I thought.
But now, I think I can understand a device. Paulo Coelho is Brazilian. Hearing my comments about "The Alchemist", they remembered Garcia Marques.
Brazil ... Middlesouth America ... Marques. This is the way of they followed.
Yes, it is quite natural.

But I was a bit of dissapointed to know there was no mysterious connection.

look up my face!

2005-08-24T10:04:00.000-07:00

I don't know why "mixy" makes me so distracted.
Maybe it's because I have too much self consciousness.
Compared to others, I got to feel depressed.

If they don't give me any comments, it makes me feel sorry.
Was I wrong? Did I say something somebody hurt?
I don't worry about those things.

I can't make my progress. I can't organize my schedule well.
Keep my vision, first!
Maybe I'm too tired. Take a deep breath, get some sleep.

Ok, commeting to others is not my job. They of course realize that my business like feeling.
Keep in my mind to make a true comment.
I'm a special person, but need to be more humble.

A tale of a cat and a boy

2005-08-23T06:34:00.000-07:00

Toshiko came to my place for the first time in these couple of weeks.
We chatted what we did during the summer holidays.

Naturally, we got to talk about a pet. Because there was a children book illustrated a dog on the cover on the table. I was really impressed and enjoyed listening her story that how she got and lost her first pet cat. Then what happened on her....

There was a muggy rainy day, Toshiko stopped her car by a river and opened its window to take fresh air. At that time, she felt she caught a tiny meowing. For some reasons she got off the car and down the slope and checked around the bush.

There was a very small cat, like a rag. It looked very weak. So she brought it to her home. Toshiko couldn't take care of the cat any more. Because it was too fragile to touch. Her husband tried to make the cat drink some water with a dropper.

Miraculously, the cat survived and became grow rapidly. It was really cute. Toshiko and her husband enjoyed their life with it. Both of them had work so that they had to leave the cat at home all day. So they decided to open the backdoor.

One day, when Toshiko came back home, her neigbor girl sat on the ground and saying, " Your cat was hit by bike, so I'd just burried it here."

Toshiko and her husband cried away all day long. Soon after the cat's death, Toshiko found a new life had come to her.

Now her son is 18 years old. He is sometimes said that his up-angled eyes remind them of a cat. They haven't kept a cat after her expectation.

Soon after listening her story, I shouted unconsciously, "Reincarnation!".
"Yeah, I think so, too. But nothing special happened. He doesn't like cat so much."
"Well, maybe the cat really comfortable your place. Because both of you loved it so much. She wanted to live with you again, thinking the way of being with you longest. "

I don't know if my speculation is true or not, her story made me feel so good. Every person has his or her angel, maybe. Protecting us and wishing our happiness.

new beginning

2005-08-20T23:13:00.000-07:00

What a reliefe.
I feel like I can come back to myself.
Recently, I had to write somethings with my identity.
This made me really stress out.

Also, I realized how I am small, inexperienced and unskillful.
Actually, I wanted to change my job, but finally I found my value in my personality.

Yes, I am a motivator. For now, I can't give enough knowledge to my students.
But I can motivate them at least. I can deliver the feeling how I love them,
how I want to support them. So, anyway I'll take a new step on my English way.

I announce that I strive for English.